Why do you end up in a fight every time you talk to your wife about money and budgets?

Let’s talk about that.

So you told her your issue, but she never listens to anything you say.

You try to talk with your wife about money and budgets all the time. But it feels like your the only one who is even trying to stick to a budget.

When she does talk about money, she always steps in and interrupts something you’re doing.

You’re never on the same page.

She says one thing, and does another. You’re both stressed about money. You have totally different ways of keeping track of things.

Neither of you has an actual financial planner, or schedule. Money is the biggest stress factor in your marriage.

It feels like money and finances are all you think about. But she never listens. And she says you never listen.

Your fighting about money and budgets and personal finances are becoming a serious issues. And that’s why you’re listening.

I am here to help you, if your problem is you don’t know…

How to start a conversation about money and budgeting with your wife

🤲🏽 Listen up, because I’ve got nothing to say and I’m only gonna to say it once.

—Yogi Berra

For most men, our default setting is to start a conversation with an outcome already in mind.

Instead of delivering answers, start money conversations with your wife about personal finances and budgeting with open-ended questions.

Instead of saying: “We need to talk about our monthly budget.”

Ask her: “What are you thinking about money this month?”

Men and women think differently, and you and I both know, everyone has their own opinion and beliefs when it comes to money matters.

Your goal in every conversation should be to learn and seek out new solutions.

Another approach is an appeal to her emotions. Don’t come in hot or lead her with your own feelings.

Avoid blanket statements like, “I’m stressed about…”, “I’m upset because” or “I can’t believe you did…”

That kind of bullshit will get you nowhere fast. Your wife can read the room just as well as you can.

There’s no need to walk into a room an unload your crap on her by being Captain Obvious.

Your wife is not your therapist. She is your partner in action. Start your money conversations with simple, open-ended questions.

Ask her: “How are you feeling about our money situation this month?”

About last night, Honey…

We spend the most amount of time and money with our lover. It’s healthy to be open in your relationship and talk about all of your issues.

Honesty leads to positivity and builds trust.

But there’s a time and place for every conversation. Don’t ruin a tender moment with your family by bringing up the stress of your monthly budget.

And for god’s sake don’t ask your wife about her spending habits in bed or the bathroom.

It’s normal to arrive home with an agenda about money and budgeting, say when you’re coming in the door after work.

You heard some advice on a podcast on the drive home, or you were running the numbers in your head all day at work.

But beware of bringing up money and the budget an unexpected moment. Don’t ambush your wife on Sunday morning, when she just woke up.

If you take an unplanned, and unscheduled approach to personal finances and money conversations, you’re likely going to surprise your wife.

Human nature makes us all react the same way when we are surprise. Our lizard brain kicks into high gear. Defence mechanisms are armed against the threat. And our ability to listen shuts down.

You have to plan in advance and schedule conversations with your wife about money and personal finance. Aim for the weekend, at a time when you aren’t tired or hungry.

Check out my links below if you don’t have a financial planner yet.

Wait, what did you just say?

🤲🏽 Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don’t anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you’re always trying for a topper you aren’t really listening. It ruins communication.

—Groucho Marx

There’s no point in having these conversations and asking the important questions, if you are not ready to listen and learn from your wife.

That means you have to be and active listener.

The way you enter a room, sit or stand, can tell your wife everything she needs to know about how you’re feeling before you have said one word. Be aware of your posture.

Your sending your wife messages: he’s angry, he’s exhausted, he’s stubborn, he’s not listening to me.

Practise patience with your mouth closed and your eyes on your wife’s. Wait until all of her words are finished, before you cut in.

This means accepting pauses and silences and giving her time to think.

If you don’t understand, or missed something she said, ask her to clear it up, or repeat her point.

Say: “Sorry, I missed what you said. Can you please say that last point again?”

The practise of active listening takes time to perfect, but it’s an investment that will improve your conversations with your wife about money and budgets over the long term.

Let’s go to the instant replay and review that call.

🤲🏽 Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.”

–Alan Alda.

Things can get pretty heated when we talk about money and personal finances with our spouses. The last thing you want to do is say something you will regret.

Once a thing has been said, it’s out there…

Or is it?

We have all been there before. Yesterday you talked, you made a plan, and you said it was time to change. And so did she.

Everyone was on the same page yesterday afternoon.

But when you asked her today…

She looked at you like your the crazy one?!

DO NOT fall into the trap of a he said, she said.

Back and forth talk leads you nowhere fast. This vicious circle is where communication goes to die.

The graveyard of marriages is littered with tombstone quotes. And they all start, on this day he said, Never again.

And she said, Oh no you didn’t!

This brings me to the my second most important point. When you schedule your conversation with your wife about money and budgeting, decide in advance who will take notes.

You must write down your shared financial plans and money goals. This is not optional.

You have to keep a record and track your conversations with your wife about money budgeting.

You can use old fashioned paper and pen if you want, but you can follow my links to financial planners and my own budgeting tools.

She said, I’ve had enough. He said, Enough is enough.

🤲🏽 You become what you believe, not what you think or what you want. Be thankful for what you have. You’ll end up having more.

—Oprah

The last point is so simple it’s almost not worth saying. Almost.

But this tip might actually be the most important reminder for when you are having conversations about money and budgeting with your wife.

Do not forget you are on the same team. You’re partners in action. You are sharing a life.

You created a family, a home, and a life together. And it’s important to never forget what you share. Stay eternally grateful for your wife.

Make sure you put your gratitude for her into words. Spoken or written both work, but your gratitude has to be said and delivered to her.

You can do this by telling her you are grateful and appreciate her ideas. Or you can set yourself a reminder, or make and share a daily gratitude list in Notion.

But don’t forget to tell her, before and after, your conversations about money and budgeting, that you love her and are grateful to have her in your life.

Sometimes life is simple. And to say and do less is more.

🌊 My mission: I will teach you how to do LESS.
I believe everyone can learn to earn, save, and sleep well with financial freedom.

Thanks for reading.

I write copy & content. I teach courses. I show up everyday.

But I do LESS. Learn. Earn. Save. Sleep.